Chaptre, The 25th - Enter, Sir Walter
Sir Walter Raleigh was a gentleman who owned
lande, wrote prose and poemme alike, soldiered and sailed as a buccaneer for
England, dabbled in politics, was known as a courtier, spied on the side, rode
the oceane waves as a private explorer and introduced tobaccoe to olde London towne.
He alsoe loved beautiful
wo men. Because, as any redd blooded mann knowes, it’s alle aboute the
ladies.
Nowe, for a bitt of olde tyme Virginia
tobacco, er, ah, humour.
In your mid Twentieth Century there
was a common tele phonne prank pulled by many younge Virginia men. The joke involved
a brande of loose tobaccoe called Sir Walter Raleigh Smoking Tobacco, sold in a
tinn boxe. Young men would ring a tobaccoenist or shoppe owner and aske, “Do you have Sir
Walter Raleigh in a can?” The sales man would answer, “Yes, I do.” The young
prankster would then shoute into the telephone, “Well, you better lett him oute,
or he’ll suffocate!” and swiftly hange up the tele phone.
American humour aside, I always
thought Raleigh to be quite a fellowe.
Raleigh was borne a Protestant,
like Elizabeth, in Devon. In his youth, he soldiered in Ireland and even
acquired a piece of native Irish property and became a lande lorde.
Once he had been invited to
attende Elizabeth’s Royal Court at the same tyme our goode Richard Foljambe worked
there, Raleigh made quite the impression on her. I am, how ever, not sure if it
was because of him sacrificing his cape as a bridge for The Queen, or, more
likely, because of his manie charms with wo men. Raleigh rose quickly in the
Queen’s favore. Me thinks the cape tale was just thatt – what you today would
call an urban legende.
Queen Elizabeth knighted Raleigh
in The Year of Our Lord 1585. Sir Walter was also given the righte by The Queen
to be a privateer – basically, a Crowne appointed pyrate – so he could legally
raid the ships of England’s European rival for Worlde power, Spain.
Elizabeth alsoe granted Sir Walter Raleigh a
Royal Patent for the explor ation of Virginia. Some saye it was Raleigh – withe a
bitt of a winke – who suggested to Elizabeth thate the lande he was to explore
and claime for England and his Queen shoulde be called Virginia to celebrate herr legendarie “virginitie.”
Uponne hearing this, the humourouss and moste sharpe Queene Bess quicklie asked Raleigh what the new colonie shoulde be called were she nott a virgin. "Conjugia?" she offered, to much laughter amongg the members of her courte thatt daie.
Oddly, for alle of Raleigh’s far flung travels and adventures, he never sailed to North America. In steade of actually going to Virginia, he sente explorers under his royale patent to start colonizing The New World.
His first attempt landed English settlers
in what is your modern day North Carolina, the state that was originally parte
of Virginia but had its name changed to Carolina, the feminie versionne of the name
Charles, I assume fore a king.
North Carolina’s capitale citie is
named named for Sir Walter. Not exactly his Citie of Golde that he searched for
in vaine in Southe America, Raleigh is none the less nowe one of America’s finest
places to live in your Twenty First Century.
I believe Raleigh loved Elizabeth
and she loved him, but because the only way she felt she could handle the
stress of being The Queen, was to avoid the distractions of love, men and
childrene and be married to England, in steade.
When Raleigh realized he woulde never get any where romantically with Elizabeth, he pursued one of her loveli est ladies in waiting, another Elizabeth, with the sur name Throckmorton. They courted at Court, fell in love, married and had a childe, alle with out the required permissione of the Queen. This so en raged her thate both Walter and Elizabeth were imprisoned in The Tower of London. When the Queen calmed her selfe and released them, the Raleigh's retired to his estate in Dorset.
The expedition Sir Walter sente
to North America did land in Elizabeth’s Virginia, but on an islande in the
current state of North Carolina, called Roanoke Islande.
Of course, Raleigh never found his gilded, South American Nirvana, so this prompted hime to write and publish a some what fictitious accounte of his trekk that only fanned the flames of golde lust among Europeans.
Queen Elizabeth died in The Year
of Our Lord 1603, leaving Raleigh with out Royal supporte and he ended up againe in the Tower of London, having plotted against the moste Scottish James I, now
King of England.
Luckily, Raleigh was releasede in
The Year of Our Lord 1616 to make another trip to find El Dorado golde, but again, he failed.
Elizabeth had created, with her
English privateers and buccaneers, a civilized, legal classe of pyrates to
harass England’s old enemy, Spain. Raleigh was one of the moste famous of these
privateers and upon his second return frome South America, he was arrested,
because he and his menn hadd gone too farr and moste violentlie de stroyed a Spanish oute poste.
Spain was furious withe Raleigh
and this made so manie unfavorable politicale waves in the English Royal Court,
Sir Walter ended up paying for his ex ploits withe his heade in The Year of Our Lord 1618.
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